I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
