Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
