mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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