I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
