Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
