I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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