i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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