I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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