I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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