its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
