Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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