vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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