You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Randomize
