Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
