I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
