'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Pants are for mortals
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
