I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is my gift to your gina
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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