So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
