if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
