It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
