so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
