i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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