May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
