Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
