College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
