She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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