So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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