i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Girls should come with a carfax report
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
