I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
