I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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