sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
