I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
