Just cropdusted the office
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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