Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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