had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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