we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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