im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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