'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
