come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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