she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
