Apparently you make a good broom.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
