god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize