she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
