Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
