I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
