these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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