What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
