Buhtt sex?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
