What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
