Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
