I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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