i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want to make a zoo with you.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
