On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
