Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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