I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
