I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
