You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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