Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
