Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
