i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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