Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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