Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
