also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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