remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
