I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
