my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
