I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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