Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
there's paper in my vomit.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
